letting go

I hold on to a lot. As if that isn't painfully obvious. I hold on to my children. I hold on to past wrongs. I hold on to the memory of my babies. I hold on to my rules. Like I said, a lot. This summer held several moments when I would look over at the kids and feel like I was holding them back from some quintessential kid moments. Fire fly catching or dirty feet or staying up late or going to bed smelling of chlorine or, or, or, or.... But I like my bed time, I do. And I like my clean sheets probably even more than that. It's an issue I'm retaining from childhood... Where I would literally sleep on the floor in my room rather than dirty my sheets because I hadn't showered yet. True story. It still amazes me that I now only wash my hair every five days or so because that was like a major thing for me when I was younger....

I let go some days and let them play late and go to bed dirty..... not a lot, of course. But every now and again. The other night we were having our Fitz Friday and there was this massive mound of dirt in the lot next to their house and you could just practically see the pull that mound had for the kids and so.... I let them. Well mostly Matt let them and assured me they would be fine and we would bathe them and the world wouldn't implode.... But they went off into the dirt. They pushed diggers and trucks and climbed and excavated and I was assured that for years to come they will remember the night their mother let them get filthy. It's a rare occurrence, for sure. But for a few hours on a Friday night they played so contentedly in the dirt.... under the sunset (such a gorgeous one it was! These September skies have been killing it!). And it was sort of awesome, even if they were disgusting.
Don't worry.... they stripped off all their clothes upon entering the house and all got showers before being promptly sent to bed. I didn't let go that much.



  1. Ha! I am the same way! I have let go A LOT in the cleaning department. Poor Ace he got the heat of it when he was little. But I have relaxed, and let chaos take over most days. Chris is the fun parent day in and day out. Letting them play in the rain and mud every thunderstorm. Catching lizards with them....the list could go on forever. I enjoy it all in the moment too. Then bathing four kids and two dogs (because you know we can't leave out the dogs LOL) gets me right back into my OCD mindset.

  2. hehe good for you! control is so difficult to release. i have a hard time myself and i don't even have tiny humans. great photos. and words <3

    xoxo cheshire kat

  3. Ahahahahahah. I can't imagine!
    We have a giant back yard and our neighbor's kids were all about mine and my brother's ages. One summer we decided to dig a hole to China. We were half way through the Earth's Crust before anyone came to check on us. We did swim team in the mornings until noon then after than we were on our own until dinner. None of this ipad, netflix, summer camps stuff happened for us.
    Pretty sure my parents forgot they had four kids when my brother and I weren't in the house.

    *Now if the dog digs an inch in the yard my dad goes ape and gives her a stern talking to.

    Way to go on letting go!

  4. Hahah! It really is SUCH a struggle. Good for you, friend!

  5. I love this post and found myself nodding in agreement! I have to remember to be a 'yes' mom with this kind of stuff!

  6. I hate dirt. Almost as much as I hate sand. Aria loves dirt. More than she loves sand probably. Might be equal actually. I especially enjoy when she flops in the sand at a play ground and makes a sand angel. Special moments for me. I applaud you letting them go get dirty!

  7. i love your description of holding on!!! i hold on, too. and probably waaaay too much to my children, because they have allowed me to let go of SO many things i never, ever saw myself letting go of. like you said with the hair. ummm, how about, i used to shave my legs at the VERY minimum every other day. definitely every shower. and now? hahahahahahah. yeah. sometimes i think i've come a long way and sometimes i think i just have extremely low standards now. but, both. and as for the dirt? let them be little, i suppose!! i got so dirty as a kid. so so dirty!

  8. Well done, mommy! I would have the same hesitations. Beautiful skies for sure!


I love hearing from you. Honest I do. You won't find my response to you here, but in your inbox. F.Y.I.