It's dark outside, but I sense I have been silent too long. I used to wake up screaming even sooner than this but then mommy stopped nursing me in the mornings so I don't want to do that again. She may take away bananas next, who knows? I babble about a bit being all cute until mommy or daddy comes in for me. I usually stand on the side of the crib closest to the door and I just stare at it, willing them to come rescue me from my cell. Sometimes I even chew on the crib. It feels good. And I know mommy doesn't like it but she isn't there to tell me no. I hate the word no. Mommy and daddy have been taking turns now getting up with me.... Daddy mornings are my favorite because he understands me. Mommy is playing bad cop more and more lately. Why is it not ok to squeal like a pig and throw myself into the ground because I cannot get the lid onto the pot? Exactly. Because it actually is okay. I do it many times a day.
I get a lot of hugs in the mornings. I like to throw my head as hard as I can right into whoever is holding me. Normally mommy is quick enough to move her head out of the way but if she isn't she says something like ow! Dom that hurt mommy! And then I throw my head back and I cry because I only tolerate kind words and soft voices.
They feed me food. I get three high chair meals a day but honestly anytime in between if I squeal long enough they give me snacks. Hours of snacks. Especially if daddy is in the building. But meals I like. I like that yellow fruit. I find if I smile really largely when they point at an item I'll get that very thing. If they don't offer then I squeal and point at the pantry door until they give me goldfish. I like pancakes, bananas, turkey melts, pizza, Chinese and all those lovely greasy vegetables are the best. Sometimes I eat pasta, it truly depends if I'm feeling ornery or not. I feel as though the meal is not a full success if it's a two paper towel meal. It needs to be at least a four paper towel meal. Sometimes I make mom work for it and drop food on the floor. And definitely the sippy no less than 8,837 times.
I like to play as soon as I no longer want to be held. And by play I mean dump the bins and get out as many items as possible in as short of a time period as possible. I used to really get my jollies off of dumping all the wooden puzzles but mommy kept saying no no Dom Dom and well I loathe, nay, abhor the word no so I just decided to show her and give up on the puzzles. For now.
Climbing couches is like climbing Mount Everest, I am sure of it. I think it helps to yell a lot when I'm trying to climb. And cry. It fuels my hate fire. Once summited I will not sit. I cannot be forced. There is a world to explore at that height. Safety be damned. Sometimes that horrible mommy makes me get off the couch for not listening to the whole sit sit command but I am no dog I shall not be trained.
She also changes my diaper and I like to arch my back while she does this. Usually she ends up pinning down my arms which is quite constrictive to my back arching. She knows how I don't like diaper changes, why does she torture me? She's trying to make my life miserable and there is no joy in a fresh diaper.
Naps. What are these forms of torture? I like the idea in theory and I always willingly go to the bottom of the stairs but then when she puts me into the crib I'm left with no other choice than to scream for at least a minimum of twenty minutes and a maximum of sixty. I just want her to know that I'm not happy about it. I have a voice.
Letty likes to hug me a lot. I like it because then mommy says no to her and not me.
David is horrible. He never lets me steal his toys. But whenever he picks up a toy I just wantitsomuchitstheonlytoyisee. And so I squeal. And squeal. And then mommy makes him give me it. People say oh poor middle child but poor me! I don't know my words! I'm the baby! I want all the things the exact way I want them!
Other people are beneath me. All I need in the world is my mommy, sometimes daddy has proven useful, especially when I want something, particularly food. People try and get me to smile and I'm all like I don't even see you there and just turn my back on them. Like the paupers they are.
I like to dance. I am a force to be reckoned with on the dance floor.
My favorite animal is a pig.
At the end of the day mommy says these magical words involving "night night" and I sort of black out and forget who I am until she picks me up and takes me upstairs. Sometimes she doesn't pick me up immediately and I cry and squeal and cry and walk around with my hands up in the air but she's like I don't know, going to the bathroom or something and I cannot tolerate such behavior. But then she does take me upstairs and she rocks me in the glider and I eat for a little and then she kisses me on the cheek and lays me down and walks out. Just like that. Without so much as a kiss my foot or have an apple. So I figure what else is there to do but go to sleep.