the romantic equivalent of a nightlight

The above is a line from one of my favorite movies, Bed of Roses. And this post is about how I am so very unthoughtful. Because, to quote the movie once more, "it wouldn't have occurred to me. "

That sounds like a cop out. And I suppose it is. I have to make a conscious effort to do thoughtful things. I have to sit and ponder what a thoughtful person would do. It simply doesn't occur naturally. I don't think to myself, self, it's been awhile since you've heard from _____ and maybe you should text them. Nope. Sending greeting cards? What is that? A note expressing condolences or just thinking of you? Touching base to ask about something important in the other person's life? I'm telling you. It just does not occur to me. And it never has. 

This situation has gotten all the more difficult for me since the arrival of children. My brain is scattered. My thoughts go with the wind. My memory is lost and it is short term. My life, in order to function, requires lists and things planned at regular intervals. I would lose track of the days of the week if it weren't for my cleaning routine. Sounds quite alarming doesn't it? I think it's the result of doing too much. Having kids so close in age. And my iPhone. Not that I mind those things or would even change any. Well maybe the iPhone.

All this to say I'm trying. I try and look through my messages to see how long it's been since I've spoken to a friend. I reread recent conversations to see if there is something I should touch base on. I try and remember. I try and be thoughtful. It probably all comes off as very forced. But I'm trying. 

And lest you think something along the lines of oh but she has time and the mental capacity for this blog? Yeah it's mostly written during one night or two maybe during the week once the kids are asleep. If I don't write it down here it will be lost forever. And once it's written it is most likely promptly forgotten.  Such is my brain. I don't really miss it too much.