the one where i interview the husband

L: Hello there Matthew and thank you for taking the time to speak with me today. I'm sure my readers mother will most likely enjoy hearing what you have to say. Please remember to go with your knee-jerk reaction and please be honest. (Note to reader: he has had wine. And when I type 'effing' I mean the other word. Mom he saves all his cursing for when the kids are asleep. Also any comments in parentheses are mine.)
M: Oh wait be honest? It's 10 effing 30 at night and I've had two glasses of wine. I'll be honest. (Our glasses are very large.)

L: What do you think of this whole blogging thing?
M: I love it. I'm the one who solely told you to do it. (Then he said some things he told me not to write) I think your ideas should be shared with the world. 

L: What is your least favorite thing about me blogging?
M: The time when you go downstairs and I don't get to see your sexy ass. (I rolled my eyes. Multiple times.) Don't paraphrase me damnit!

L: Does it ever take me away from my motherly and/or wifely duties?
M: No. Because I'm a Modern Dad.

L: If you started a blog what would you write about?
M: Sex, booze and alcohol. (What the hell is the matter with you!?) In all honesty it would be food. Food and cooking.

L: Do you think I'm fat? Don't answer that.
M: What the eff? (Chews loudly. Why does he chew so loudly!?!)

L: What is your favorite guilty pleasure TV program? Show?
M: Duck Dynasty. She gone. 

L: Do you really like my meatloaf?
M: Yes. Better than my moms. 

L: What is your favorite post that I've written?
M: (As he licks the peanut butter off the knife.) All of Letteria's camera posts. (letty cam). Love seeing her take pictures.  But one you wrote? kids. the drinking game. It's brilliant. 

L: Why can't you turn your shirts right-side out?
M: I'm too busy being the only working spouse of the home. Ha ha. I don't know I do it.

L: What is your favorite thing about being a dad? Don't get emo.
M: Being a work-at-home dad and seeing the kids all the time. That I don't have to miss them growing up.

L: What is your least favorite thing about being a dad?
M: Being a work-at-home dad. Or diapers.

L: What would be your ideal night with me? Keep it PG remember my mother reads this.
M: Kids in bed by six. Sleep all night. That means till 7 (a.m.). A dinner I cook. We watch a movie from opposite sides of the sofa. And drink wine. More wine please.

L: What would your ideal night without me be?
M: Retreat to the basement. Open up a bottle of 1800 tequila. Watch movies. 

L: What household chore do you wish I would take over?
M: (Lots of thinking) Emptying the diaper genie. Because that shit's gross. 

L: What do you look forward to most in the coming year?
M: Having another baby. (No we are not pregnant and I call BS). 

L: If the house was on fire and you had time to grab three material items what would you grab? Children are safe. 
M: iPhone. Three terabytes of movies in the basement. My dutch oven. (And then he giggled because dutch oven makes him think of farting and that amuses him.)

L: How much sleep do you actually need?
M: Oh man. Probably actually need no more or less than four hours and twenty minutes. Four twelve. (In actuality the correct answer would be more along the times of ten. Ten hours. A night.)

L: If you could only eat at one restaurant for the rest of your life where would it be?
M: This is a retarded question and the answer would be Taco Bell. (Who knew!?)

L: What TV sitcom most resembles your family growing up?
M: Holy eff where did you get these questions!? (I googled). The only thing that comes to mind is Tom Brokow. (Not a sitcom). Ok then Malcolm in the Middle. There were three boys. (Because that makes sense.)

L: Would you rather be bored or stressed?
M: Ai. Stressed. I do well under pressure. bored I'm a mess. 

L: Is this not the most desperate attempt at a post ever?
M: No. I honestly thought it was effing cool. And you talk an awful lot about blogs. (So I'm thinking he means that because I talk about blogging so much and he has never heard of anything like this post therefore it is a cool post?)