I've written and rewritten this post quite a few times in the past few days. I just can't seem to write it in a way that won't offend anyone. I realize no one is perfect. I realize I say and do things that could offend people often and sometimes I do it daily. I suffer from some seriously chronic foot-in-mouth syndrome. In fact I am sure I have done and said some of the things I'm about to write about. But the post asks for me to get up on a soapbox and so I will. Just know that I'm nervous about it and please don't throw things at me.
Disclaimer: Most of this is past angst...but sometimes I still feel bad knowing there are other women dealing with infertility out there and struggling with these people. I'm sensitive to their strife. Also if you were/are a real girlfriend I see in real life your pregnancies are not what I'm talking about. Thrilled for you. Really am. You know who you are. ;)
After almost two (and only two thank God) years of trying to conceive I had heard almost all there is to hear. I heard it from extended family. Are you pregnant? When will you have children? Awh I see you are drinking so I guess no not this month? Just relax, it'll happen. God has a plan, I'll be praying for you. I heard it from coworkers. So when are you and Matt going to start a family? When will there be Olsen babies running around? Isn't it about time you guys started a family? But all that was really nothing compared to social media.
Even though I have been blessed with two wonderful children I can still remember the sting I felt when I saw or heard some of these things. Hell I STILL feel it sometimes. I'm happy for you ladies. I truly am. I envy the ease in which you conceived. I hope you know how very lucky you are. I hope you know how difficult it is for a lot of women out there. And I may just need it removed from my face in every possible way. Maybe.
The Hubs read this and informed me that I was too far up my reader's asses. Yikes. Here I was really trying to be inoffensive. Too far?
The evil demon Facebook. Talk about salt in the wound. People accidentally getting pregnant. People not married getting pregnant. People without financial means getting pregnant. People's dogs getting pregnant. Everyone and their mother. Getting. Pregnant. Right there for me to see. Yes I know I was the one looking. Can you turn away from a car accident? I'm not saying pregnant women are car accidents, but I'm saying it's sort of the same fascination. You just can't look away even if it is upsetting to you. I digress. People having what I wanted so badly without trying or caring and well, right before my eyes. And it killed me. I blocked a lot of people during that time. You may still be blocked and you don't know it. Sorry but I'm not really sorry. At the time it was a self-preservation thing. I was living my life month-by-month and then I go on the ole FB and see someone else announce they were knocked up. Again. Then there are those that COMPLAIN about the wonderful God-given GIFT of pregnancy, of LIFE. I mean. I would literally have done anything to be in their shoes, but they are whining? Enough. Block. Sorry.
I would like to ask these women (and they all are women in my experience) to think before you speak/type. This is advice I should probably use every single day. But when it comes to this situation in particular, it can hurt someone deeply. You never know what is going on behind closed doors and what someone may be dealing with. Infertility is more common than you think. Unless brought up by a person explicitly, never ask about family planning. It truly isn't your business. If you are lucky enough to be pregnant - that is so wonderful for you. Just know that if you are feeling sick or tired or have sore boobs that there may be a woman out there wishing she was "suffering" like you are. Maybe try and be sensitive to that? And if you read this and think Laurie you are the most ridiculous person ever and I'll say what I want (understood) please don't be offended if you are then blocked. It's not personal. It's self-preservation.
Here are some stats just to open some eyes a bit about how common infertility really is.
- 6.7 million women between the ages of 15-44 have an impaired ability to have children. That translates to 10.9% of women.
- 1.5 million married women between the ages of 15-44 are infertile (infertile here means they could not get pregnant for at least 12 consecutive months). That translates to 6.0% of married women.
- 7.4 million women ages 15-44 have used infertility services.
I would like to ask these women (and they all are women in my experience) to think before you speak/type. This is advice I should probably use every single day. But when it comes to this situation in particular, it can hurt someone deeply. You never know what is going on behind closed doors and what someone may be dealing with. Infertility is more common than you think. Unless brought up by a person explicitly, never ask about family planning. It truly isn't your business. If you are lucky enough to be pregnant - that is so wonderful for you. Just know that if you are feeling sick or tired or have sore boobs that there may be a woman out there wishing she was "suffering" like you are. Maybe try and be sensitive to that? And if you read this and think Laurie you are the most ridiculous person ever and I'll say what I want (understood) please don't be offended if you are then blocked. It's not personal. It's self-preservation.
Here are some stats just to open some eyes a bit about how common infertility really is.
- 6.7 million women between the ages of 15-44 have an impaired ability to have children. That translates to 10.9% of women.
- 1.5 million married women between the ages of 15-44 are infertile (infertile here means they could not get pregnant for at least 12 consecutive months). That translates to 6.0% of married women.
- 7.4 million women ages 15-44 have used infertility services.
Even though I have been blessed with two wonderful children I can still remember the sting I felt when I saw or heard some of these things. Hell I STILL feel it sometimes. I'm happy for you ladies. I truly am. I envy the ease in which you conceived. I hope you know how very lucky you are. I hope you know how difficult it is for a lot of women out there. And I may just need it removed from my face in every possible way. Maybe.
The Hubs read this and informed me that I was too far up my reader's asses. Yikes. Here I was really trying to be inoffensive. Too far?
Tomorrow's post: Lessons ya can't get in a classroom.