day thirty-one: a vivid memory

A vivid memory. 
The background: almost two years of trying to get pregnant and not round of IUI failing... Here I was. December 2, 2009. I had an IUI in November but had learned to not hope, to not look for signs. I had my blood work taken that morning and returned to work as usual. I may have been banking on getting rip-roaring drunk that night figuring it would be another let down. Side note: infertility treatments take up a huge amount of time. Having an understanding and supportive boss is really awesome.  I did. So thank you.

I was supposed to learn the results within a few hours, but time kept going by slowly. I probably really didn't do much work (sorry to my aforementioned understanding boss). My mom called me nervous and expecting bad news once again....But I still had no answers. Waiting. Always waiting. Then my phone rang. I ran into the storage room where all the employee files were housed (everything is brown in there people. everything.). I braced myself for another wasted month of my life. Another month more till I could meet my baby that I was sure I was going to have. 
And she said it. She said those magical words. She said congratulations, you are pregnant. For the first time in almost two years, after no definable issue, I was pregnant. I don't even know what she said after that. Something about hormone levels and that they were good. Something about more blood work. I was crying. I wasn't paying any attention. I almost couldn't breathe. I put my hand to my belly and prayed I could keep her (I had a healthy fear of miscarriage).  I always knew she would be a girl. My first would be my Letteria.  But that is a side note.  That day I miraculously woke up. I was no longer consumed by doubt and fear and sadness. I was able to step back from the edge, hell, I ran from it. The switch was flipped, I was me again, just happier than I'd ever been. There was at that very moment a little life forming inside me. All those horrible feelings I had gathered up over the past months and years went away. PREGNANT! No better word if you ask me.

I called Matt but I don't really know what I said or what he said. Probably like wait what really? I called my mom and all I remember is that she cried. I texted our siblings. It was a party that December 2, 2009. And no. I did NOT get rip-roaring drunk that night. ;)

Tomorrow's post: whatever the hell I want!