day thirty-one: a vivid memory

A vivid memory. 
The background: almost two years of trying to get pregnant and not round of IUI failing... Here I was. December 2, 2009. I had an IUI in November but had learned to not hope, to not look for signs. I had my blood work taken that morning and returned to work as usual. I may have been banking on getting rip-roaring drunk that night figuring it would be another let down. Side note: infertility treatments take up a huge amount of time. Having an understanding and supportive boss is really awesome.  I did. So thank you.

I was supposed to learn the results within a few hours, but time kept going by slowly. I probably really didn't do much work (sorry to my aforementioned understanding boss). My mom called me nervous and expecting bad news once again....But I still had no answers. Waiting. Always waiting. Then my phone rang. I ran into the storage room where all the employee files were housed (everything is brown in there people. everything.). I braced myself for another wasted month of my life. Another month more till I could meet my baby that I was sure I was going to have. 
And she said it. She said those magical words. She said congratulations, you are pregnant. For the first time in almost two years, after no definable issue, I was pregnant. I don't even know what she said after that. Something about hormone levels and that they were good. Something about more blood work. I was crying. I wasn't paying any attention. I almost couldn't breathe. I put my hand to my belly and prayed I could keep her (I had a healthy fear of miscarriage).  I always knew she would be a girl. My first would be my Letteria.  But that is a side note.  That day I miraculously woke up. I was no longer consumed by doubt and fear and sadness. I was able to step back from the edge, hell, I ran from it. The switch was flipped, I was me again, just happier than I'd ever been. There was at that very moment a little life forming inside me. All those horrible feelings I had gathered up over the past months and years went away. PREGNANT! No better word if you ask me.

I called Matt but I don't really know what I said or what he said. Probably like wait what really? I called my mom and all I remember is that she cried. I texted our siblings. It was a party that December 2, 2009. And no. I did NOT get rip-roaring drunk that night. ;)

Tomorrow's post: whatever the hell I want!

the day that caused the hubs to act like a kid before christmas

Matt decided to take a few days off work for a little "staycation" if you will. And I being ever the planner was unable to allow us to just stay put. Not that he needed much convincing. I had him at water park. I think he may have turned into a young boy when he was getting ready last night. He was laughably prepared. Cooler/lunches/diaper bag/stroller/beach bag/clothes laid out/dinner for tonight prepped/etc. kind of prepared. Lucky me. 

Dutch Wonderland opens at 10 and true to form we were early which was pretty great in this case as we could get the kids dressed in their suits. Those swim diapers just don't hold in pee like they should. Am I right!? We had Duke's Lagoon (the water park part of DW) pretty much to ourselves. And how nice that was. While it lasted. 

//I'm seeing an awfully lot of this lately. almost there.\\

Letty acted similarly to how she did last year. Meaning refusing to do anything and being the biggest wet blanket. This kid. I just don't get it. She will climb furniture/railings/slides/people yet when it comes to a super fun water park she's a non-participant. There was probably a bit more gnashing of teeth then there should have been... But it's hard for us to give in to her tantrums. If she would just trust us she'd have such fun. I bet some of you are thinking oh just you wait lady. I can only imagine. 

On a side note I have been having these moments lately. These 'last year at this time' moments. Last year when we went to Dutch Wonderland to visit Duke's Lagoon I was 8 months pregnant with a certain cool someone and a certain high-strung one was running rampant, but not speaking. Amazing how the time flies right? I'm sure I'll be saying that from today till forever, but it's true. I feel like it was just yesterday and here I was today with this creature that is almost walking that apparently yesterday was in my belly. Madness.  And that girl that last year/yesterday would barely survive without her pacifier was informing me in complete sentences that she would not go up on that slide.... well that's just parenthood I guess. 

In the mean time we stayed mostly in the baby section. That's right. For babies. D thought it was pretty sweet but soon wanted to peace out for greener pastures. He was all over the place. No tears or fears for him. 


//wait for it...wait for slide!\\

By lunch time we Letty was shot and so we left the park. We played cheapo today and gasp! packed our lunches. No outside food allowed in DW so we sat outside of the entrance at picnic tables they provide. Silly. Then it was on to the regular park where people must have just evacuated for the cooler water park. No lines. And the nice attendants allowed Letty to ride more than once without getting off. And Matt had to sit through the Princess show. Again. 

Stick a fork in us. We are nice and crispy now. Naturally we will stay inside tomorrow. Not. 

Totally off topic but just as exciting - my lilacs are finally blooming! Yay!

day thirty: letting go reaction

Letting go. I am to react to this. Two things come to mind instantly and neither of which are probably the intention of this topic.

One: Let Go by Frou Frou. It is a great song and definitely worth a listen. It reminds me of college. Of meeting Matt. Of Garden State and of The Holiday. There is beauty in the breakdown. So there.

Two: the final few episodes of Lost. John Locke tells Jack Shephard he has to let go. Which really just opens up a whole can of worms. Let go of the missing body of his father? Let go of trying to win his father's love/forgiveness/respect? Let go of Kate? Let go of trying to 'fix' things? Let go of this limbo world that you all are hanging out in? I've watched that show three or four times through. I still don't get it. Moving on.

I'm sure the goal of this topic was to get some deep thing out of bloggers. And I just have far too much I'm holding on to to take this seriously and let go. ;)

Tomorrow's post: a vivid memory. 

day twenty-nine: top tunes

Favorite five songs? Of all time? Of the year? I'll just broadly say 'recently' and throw in a lifetime one for fun....because I like a lot of music so it's nearly impossible to narrow it down.

The first three bands I saw in concert in this great year of our Lord 2013. They have a special place in my heart because they are awesome and because I was in the same room as the musicians. Did I mention they are awesome?

I love this song. No explanation needed.

2) Mumford & Sons. I physically cannot pick one song because I love them all equally. I mean all. I can't link to YouTube because well that would be a lot of links. When I first heard Mumford I listened to their first album over and over again for six months. I preferred to play it over Christmas music which is a pretty big deal for me the month of November and December. And possibly October if we are being honest. Mumford is just that good. Letty can sing along with Mumford. She's hip. 

1) Ben Howard - Only Love. I neglected to take photos of him performing. Probably because we were far away and I was too damn excited about who was coming on after him (that would have been Mumford). This song is great. I listened to it on repeat for a long time. Which is how I roll when I find a song I love.

This song I first heard on the Lost soundtrack. And I love Lost. Add a beachy feel. Calming lyrics. I listen to it a lot. I just picture Hurley with his huge headphones on looking around surveying the survivors going about their business. Big hair. Big guy. Etc.

This is one of my lifetime favs. Also from a soundtrack. Also from one of my favorite movies. Bed of Roses. It was probably my first "adult" movie/romance and I watched it with my mom. I love everything about this movie and this song. I even love Sterling Silver Roses. I'm sorry I'm not sorry.

While we are on the topic of songs I love I must mention my least favorite song of all time. I doubt many people have such a strong reaction to a song like I do with this one. Ugh. I Don't Want To Miss a Thing by Aerosmith. Typing it just makes me annoyed. I first heard this little beauty while watching Armageddon.  Naturally. Then I had my 15th birthday and my boyfriend at the time played it on repeat the entire night while singing it to me. The. Whole. Time. Over. And. Over. It was so incredibly awkward and uncomfortable and I hated it. It was a huge radio hit that summer as well so it was always on. If it comes on the radio now I instantly change the channel. After grumbling and saying UGH! at the top of my lungs of course. Oh and I have not watched Armageddon since.  Sorry Michael Bay.

Add it to the list of reasons I need therapy. ;)

Tomorrow's post: I react to letting go.